got embarrassed because i was being a dickhead and all paranoid in history and just burst into tears like a proper twat then really couldn’t stop for ages lmfao then got home ready to just go get into bed and be moody and there was a bird in my room, fuck knows how but yeah it was there and i just freaked out almost fell back down the stairs burst into tears again and had a proper fucking mental episode and couldn’t breathe properly and had a panic attack and freaked out so much over a fucking little bird, i don’t know what’s going on in my brain but it isn’t right. been grounded all week as well which is pissing me off a little because i’m bored and really mardy and i can’t take being inside much longer ahah, saturday i spent all morning with mum and joe and pete gardening and chilling then my uncle came round and then we went to get my prom dress and i was happy happy then me mum and joe went and had fish and chips in some weird village park which was cute then on sunday i got up at about ten and went to get my grandma and me gran mum and joe went for dinner then to the garden centre so my gran could get some bits and bobs and we bought some veggies to plant in our veggie patch we made on saturday then we went to see Rachel and i thought we were going into the hospice to see her which i was dreading but we didn’t we went to her mum’s and she was throwing up upstairs when we got there from her radiotherapy which was awful for her bless her, but then she came down and aside from being about as this as a ghost and the yellow tinge to her skin and the constant wincing of pain and the bandanna she was her normal self and it really hurt to think it could be the last time we saw her but she was so happy and smiling and just so so so brave that i couldn’t do anything but smile at how proud i was of her. I had to leave her early though because i was going to work which was horrible because i wanted to stay with her longer but yeah she’s doing well and gone into castle hill for more radiotherapy this week so i guess it’s just a waiting game now although we all know it’s near no one will say it…except for her.
